Confrontations with Bees

I have a daughter that is terrified of bees. She bolts from the area, cries hysterically, gets nauseated. I like bees. Her reaction makes me uncomfortable, because I don't understand it.

The other night a bee was in our house. To make matters worse, it was later than usual and we were all tired, so neither of us was at our best. She lost control, and I didn't fare better.  I was upset with how she was behaving, impatient. I ordered her to her room. I assumed there would be no bees there. She refused, she didn't feel safe in her room. I carried her to her room, but not in the way a parent carries a sleeping child to their room. More like the way a prison guard takes an unruly prisoner to their cell.

Seconds after the interaction, my conscience told me I'd handled that badly. I have some pride, so it took me a minute or two to enter her room, apologize, and make things right. We talked about her fears, that I learned extend to all animals and insects capable of harming her. Evidently she is worried an alligator might make its way from the Everglades to the Wasatch. No more Animal Planet at our house.

Why couldn't my conscience have told me before getting upset how best to handle her fear and reaction? What did I learn? Adequate rest is important in dealing with bees and the consequences, and bees are going to show up even when you're tired. So you need a plan. You need to decide how you will react when confrontation arises before the confrontation arises. The next time a bee enters the house and I'm tired I will do better, she will do better because of this experience.I would not have thought to plan my reaction to a killer bee attack. It's impractical to plan for every contingency. But you plan for the common confrontations.

How will you deal with a customer upset by their bill? Their wait? Failed service or product? These confrontations and your reaction can be decided upon before they happen. Doing so will improve your outcomes...even when you're tired.

Everyone talks about the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Well, I don't like massages (unless they're from my wife). So though you would have a massage given unto you, if you give one to me, I'll be uncomfortable. The problem with the Golden Rule is that it is effective in helping us to avoid harming another person, but it can be ineffective in helping us to serve or help another person. If you run a business, or are trying to raise kids. The Golden Rule, probably won't be enough to allow you to succeed.

A few years ago, I was introduced to the concept of the Platinum Rule by Walter Hailey, an expert salesman and motivator. It states, "Do unto others as they they would have you do unto them." Note the difference and the need to find out what a person wants me to do to them or for them. It takes more work, but is more effective.

I'm a dentist. I have 4000 patients. I meet 80-100 new people every month. I'm also a dad and have 5 children. As much as I would like to approach them all the same and in a way that I'm most comfortable (Golden Rule), it doesn't work. Getting inside their heads takes time, empathy, compassion, and patience. I don't always have that.

This blog will be a place where I can share my successes and failures dealing with people with the goal being others might take notice and improve their relationships and outcomes.